Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
