no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
