So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
