We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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