I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize