wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize