I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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