chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
