it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Small penises have feelings too.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
