At least make sure they are 18
Why
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
