There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
