Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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