Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
