yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
