Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
