I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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