Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Still dying that you shit outside
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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