I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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