oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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