....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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