I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We got so high we made milksteak
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
