im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
