I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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