I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
