Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize