I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
