i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
