i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
