I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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