You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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