Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
