Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
