I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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