distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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