All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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