sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
