WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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