that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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