A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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