made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
