I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
