I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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