Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
