I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
