Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize