now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
