i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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