My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
