So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
