At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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