Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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