You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
