U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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