go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
