will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
