he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
