I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
