im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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