your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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