You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
