dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
