he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you bring me the toilet please
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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