JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
