Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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