You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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