i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
