U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
