hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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