it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
