If i come over, it means nothing
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
