dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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