The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
