It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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