I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
