I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
