Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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