i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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