He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Houston, we have a blender
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
