five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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