Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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