I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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