she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
