this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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